i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
