Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
