you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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