so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
