Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
