She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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