I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
