My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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