I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
