My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
