I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
