Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize