i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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