Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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