You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
