I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize