Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
