I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize