can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
