i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
