i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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