I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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