I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
