Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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