He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize