just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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