also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm too high and old for this...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
