CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
