proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
