you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize