this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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