I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
