Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
