You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's the barista slut.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
