i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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