im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it hurts more in the daytime
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
