god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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