Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have feelings that need drinking.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
