I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
