she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
