Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize