It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
