Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
