Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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