I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Alive.
So much puke
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
