so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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