Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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