I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
