yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
