On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
did i just pee glitter
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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