i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
