You work out of a Hotel?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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