i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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