smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize