i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
