How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
