Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
