You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
