apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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