i jhust puked up my retainher.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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