last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
