Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
