I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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