He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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