If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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