I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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