I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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