nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
