I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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