my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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