I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize