Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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