3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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