thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
