I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
