I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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