apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
