I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
