First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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