I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
