Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
