There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize