got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
