Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize