watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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