did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
