Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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