You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize