Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
