Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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