I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
