I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My dick has a subreddit
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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