Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
