Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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