i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
