Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize