I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
