The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
