i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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