There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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