There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You can't just leave with hair like that
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
