she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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