You work out of a Hotel?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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