By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
