I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
