That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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