So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
