peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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